Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
