I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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