Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
