ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
