i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
