u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
