is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
