you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
