We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you still have your period?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
