I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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