FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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