the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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