I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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