Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
