If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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