I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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