Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im part way to drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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