3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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