Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
