I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
