I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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