When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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