We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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