People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
