it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
