We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
