Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
