i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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