my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
