Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
