The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Every concussion has its silver lining
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
