Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
