I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
