You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
