I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
