Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
