Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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