How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
