First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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