oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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