Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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