im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
