That's intense
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
