Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
