shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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