My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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