who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
