have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
