If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
