sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
