party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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